farmer's blow

Being new to the area, I've been exploring new roads as I train, and I found one today. In Iowa City, you can go from an urban area to a rural area really fast. Rural, at least in this area, means a lot of green growing things, which can sometimes cause allergy symptoms. My allergies were bothering me today.

When you're riding down the road and your nose is running you have several choices. I know what you're thinking. "But Mark, you just wipe your nose on your sleeve like I do." Sure, but eventually you're going to want to eat indoors and, on occasion, you might experience an adverse reaction from a waitress or a cashier when she sees your choice in wardrobe accessories: mucus, tiny bugs on your arms and/or face, and a fine patina of sweat.

Alternately, you can stop, pull out a tissue, and blow your nose. Repeating this every thirty seconds will cause a three-hour cruise to turn into a three-day stopfest. Unfortunately, you just won't make much progress. Second, you could reach into your handlebar bag and blow your nose while you're riding, but that's not one of the safest things to do while traveling on two wheels. Third, you can ignore it, letting the mucus continue its short, inevitable slide to the only place where it CAN go: your mouth. That's even less appealing than the stopfest. Finally, there's the farmer's blow.

I learned what a farmer's blow is in high school, ironically from one of my oldest, best friends named Bart Farmer. Of course, there was no WAY I was going to ask what a "farmer's blow" is, especially in high school. Asking what a "farmer's blow" is OBVIOUSLY a set up question in which you're the punch line. During the conversation I must've looked puzzled, because he offered an explanation. When you're outside and need to blow your nose but you don't have any tissue, you push on the side of your right nostril, lean over and blow out the left. Then you press on the side of your left nostril and blow the contents out of the right side.

Well, I'm not particularly proud to admit that's what I do, but when you consider the alternatives (especially the second), perhaps you can understand.

Anyway, today I was out in the middle of NOwhere when I performed my nasal ablutions. However, unlike any other time in the past when I've done this (if, indeed, there were any other times, which I'm not willing to admit), just as I finished I noticed a guy on a bike.... ten feet behind me. He blew by me, so to speak, and even said "hello," which I thought was very gracious considering he was wearing my mucus.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, if you ever read this... sorry, pal.